Fulfilling Your Spouse

 

We all have our ideals of what we want to GET out of our marriages, but what are we willing to GIVE?  Laying aside our desires for just a moment, let’s think about our spouses. What could we do to assure them they are loved? What would make them feel safe, secure, and truly cared about?  We all have an innate need for these things. What are we doing to daily fulfill it for our partner? 

 

Some of us the yearning and need is even greater because of things we have gone through in life; possibly rejection and abandonment wounds that yes, only the love of the Father can heal, but what if we could play a part in binding up those wounds in our mate as the Father lavishes His love upon them through us?  What if? 

Our relationship with our spouse is to be the most intimate of all relationships we have.  We are neglecting the responsibility given to us when we fail to invest in learning how and applying a level of love to our spouse that is to trump all other earthly relationships they have.  Easier said than done?  Yes.  A lot of denying our own selfish desires and attitudes for the sake of them?  Yes.  Choosing to love them in word and action even when we feel justified in not doing so?  Yes.  We are the closest “skin” God can use to love His child and demonstrate His unconditional love for them.  

It truly is more blessed to give than to receive. To have the privilege to make someone feel special, and to make their life a little easier is priceless.  Wives, wouldn't it bring you unspeakable joy to know that when your husband leaves the house each day, he longs to get home to YOU?  Husbands, can you imagine the “spring” you’d have in your step in knowing your wife excitedly anticipates your return home? 

 
When we just take life as it comes, all too often we set ourselves up for failure. This is true in our homes as well.  We can say we want to have a healthy and happy home, but wanting and doing are two different things.  Good relationships don’t just happen.  To get good at anything there is practice, repetition, and dedication. 

 

Have you ever thought about writing down your goal as a spouse?   When you are making plans for the day with things you wish to accomplish, once you make a checklist of those things, you feel obligated or accountable to do that which you have set in your heart to do.  Likewise, when you get specific as to the spouse you want to be, you are more apt to take the steps to becoming just that.  Then share it with your spouse.  What a beautiful moment you will bring to them when they see your heart’s desire is to bring them joy!

 

How does this sound?        

 

As your lifetime best friend, I want to bring you joy
A place of safety where you can be vulnerable
I want to hold your hand as an encourager, your biggest fan
As your faithful lover, I want to make you feel like the man (woman) you are

I commit to talking things through, never allowing walls to be built up
I will protect your feelings even if I do not agree or understand
I will always do my best to show you how much you’re loved
I want you to never doubt how proud I am that you are mine

I want our home to be a peaceful haven
A place you can retreat to - to be refreshed from each day’s challenges
I want to make you feel alive; adding smiles to your life
Whatever it is I can do, I want to make life easier for you

This is possible, but we have to throw out the 50/50, self seeking mindset “I’ll do for you if you do for me.”  Marriage is teamwork. What team ever succeeded with players only giving 50 percent?  Marriage takes commitment and it is a commitment far beyond staying faithful. 
 

100/100 carries a whole different perspective: to solely seek to satisfy your partner’s needs.   If we want a truly fulfilling marriage, both sides have to give their all. As I tell my children, you are responsible for YOUR actions.  You can’t use someone else’s “shortcuts” as an excuse to not do your best.  I find the things I teach the kids to be sound truth and healthy relationship advice. Ha.  It’s time we as adults start living by the same rule.  If our spouse is having a less than 100% kind of day, guess what?  We aim our own behavior on God’s standards not on the weakness our spouse is having at the moment. J

Let’s make the decision today to be passionate about fulfilling our spouse.  Ask the Lord to put that desire in you if it is currently clouded by negative emotions.  Begin seeing your spouse as a gift of great worth laid in your hands from the Father Himself.  What will you do with this treasure?  Will you protect it from the danger of outside elements?  Will you carefully handle and nurture it in such a way that you yourself do not cause it damage?  This gift given to you will one day be given back to the Giver Himself.  Will your spouse be returned in greater spiritual and emotional condition than upon the day you received them?  I believe that is our mandate as husband, as wife.  May each of us bring glory to God as we purposefully take care of this "gift" of great value!