Unhappy marriages, unfulfilled spouses, couples drudging through life “together” but never unified like marriage is intended. It’s an epidemic that all too often breeds the “need” for secret lives and affairs. Why do I call it a need? Because the fact is, God has placed within us the need to be loved, adored, cherished, desired, respected… All are God given needs. When a need is not met, what happens? Some part of us either dies or we look elsewhere to have it fulfilled.
A while back I was walking and casually talking with the Lord. He showed me a glimpse of a young boy who was feverishly digging through a dumpster for food. His parents neglected him; failing to provide for his necessities. The Lord began to speak to me how He puts needs in every single person. Not only does He place the desire within us but an innate longing to have it fulfilled. When the needs are not met by the proper person, in most cases, He said, “You will search through the garbage heap to find it.”
Your wife has deep needs that have been deposited inside of her that you, her husband, have been called to meet. There are things she longs for, yearns for, and absolutely needs in her life. Will you be the man of her dreams? Will you “ruin” your wife in such a way that she never has eyes for another? Will you provide the refreshing “well” her heart requires so she doesn’t eventually dehydrate and go drinking from a polluted cistern?
Before moving on, I want to clarify here that I am not in any way condoning your wife to have an affair if you are not meeting her needs. Wrong is wrong no matter the reasoning. If I fail to feed my child and he goes to the store and steals food, does that make his stealing ok? No, but when a need is unfulfilled it puts one in a place of weakness; a playground for Satan to take advantage. I’m reminded of 1 Corinthians 7:5 in regards to sexual relations between spouses. Paul warns us, “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree… Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. “ Should we be spiritually fit enough to ward off these temptations? Of course! My desire is to simply help protect your marriage from the enemy’s invasion.
In order for your wife to be fulfilled in the intimacy department, you must remember you must touch her heart and her mind before you ever touch her body. To learn how to touch her heart, you will need to study her. Keep your eyes and ears open for ideas and cues as to how you can make her life easier or simply bring a smile to her day. Study her preferences, her responsibilities, learn what makes her tick. When you have a passion for something, what do you do? You study it; you purposefully place yourself around it.
What you love to study, you come to love even more. That is the way God wired us. Note all kinds of details about her, from what foods she likes to the quirky facial expressions she makes that only you will be able to translate, to the one birthmark that only you will see. As you seek to learn what pleases, excites, honors, encourages, refreshes, and helps her – your love for her will only increase.
Husbands, you have the power within you to cause your wife to blossom or cause her to wilt. You can quench her thirst or you can leave her dehydrated and looking for something to pacify the need. When you "lay your life down" to show you genuinely love and care about her, you will be well on your way to "a little piece of heaven" on earth. A fulfilled wife is a happy wife, and a happy wife has no desire to look elsewhere.
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